


Happy Enough

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (kinda onesided), Angst, Bisexual Ginny Weasley, Denial, F/F, F/M, Ginny is an idiot, I like her anyway, Minor Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, don't do it kids, lying to oneself, past onesided Ginny Weasley/Hermione Granger, pretending to be happy sucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 16:17:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15732996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ginny is happy enough. Really, she is. Harry is a good man, a good boyfriend, and she genuinely likes him.At least, she tries to convince herself of that every single day.





	Happy Enough

 

_Everything's fine. You're happy enough_ , Ginny thought, not quite meeting her eyes in the mirror. She sighed, and smiled at her reflection. _You're happy enough. You do like boys. You do love Harry. You're happy. You just like girls more. You can't love Harry quite as much as you loved her, but that's fine. Everything's fine._

 

Once, Ginny had fallen in love with a girl.

 

It had been nothing, could never had been a thing, and she hadn't tried. What was the point when you were sure that your feelings would never be reciprocated?

Now Hermione had married Ron, was obviously very happy and very much in love, and Ginny was glad that she had buried and buried her feelings deep inside.

 

She just had to remind herself every day that she was happy enough. It was fine.

 

And now she really had to get on with her day or she would be late to practice. They had a match coming up, and the coach hinted that Ginny may get to officially play this time.

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn't in love with Hermione anymore. She had fallen slowly, carefully out of love.

She wasn't in love with anyone anymore.

Being with Harry was a good decision, anyway. He loved her. She loved him enough. She closed her eyes when he said he loved her. It was enough.

 

If she looked outside the window at night and felt empty, it was her own damn fault. It wasn't like she could have any better.

 

* * *

 

 

Maybe Harry deserved more.

She had never lied to him. She loved her friend. She liked to live with him, they were good together.

She liked the sex they had, slow and careful or fast and strong.

She didn't love him with her whole heart and soul, but who did love anyone like that, anyway?

Except Harry when he looked at her and saw the world.

Except her when she was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and in love with Hermione.

_You're happy enough_ , she tought forcefully, fearfully. _You can't get more._

 

* * *

 

 

She didn't love Hermione anymore. It didn't mean she had gotten over it. She toyed with it, with her memory of her one-sided love, and never got enough of it.

Maybe if she could have fallen in love at least one more, she would have let go?

She had fallen in love deep, too deep, too early, too long, pined after her too much, and now when she thought _love_ she thought _Hermione_.

She didn't try to help it. It wasn't hurting anybody except herself.

 

* * *

 

 

If she left, she would hurt Harry so bad.

 

* * *

 

 

_You're happy enough._

 

* * *

 

 

She had always liked girls, even before she realized she also liked other genders. She liked girls and everything else.

Mostly girls. She remembered her first crush. She remembered the time she snuck to the Quidditch Pitch with one of her roommate to test her new broom – Angeline had let her fly behind her, two on her new broomstick, to show her how fast and great it was. Ginny mostly remembered gripping Angeline's body and thought that she was so warm. And Hermione, for years...

But also not girls. She had a crush on the Boy-who-Lived, and then on Harry, for the longest time. She tried to catch the eye of Cedric Diggory, like her yearmates, more than once. She watched a Ravenclaw upper-year among their friends from afar.

 

She briefly wished she had tried more, instead of settling for good enough, and then she remembered that she was happy.

How could she forget that. How could she think of doing that to Harry.

 

* * *

 

 

Harry was going to propose to her. She knew because Ron knew, and Ron wasn't exactly subtle.

She didn't know when it was coming, but it was probably soon.

 

It filled her with dread. She cried in the shower after her first match of the season, the first when she went out officially on the pitch, and she had done good and scored a few goals, and she pretended it was from happiness.

 

The Hat must have lied when it put her in Gryffindor.

 

* * *

 

 

Ginny told Harry that she was going out with friends, smiled when he told her to have fun and apologized if he didn't wait up for her.

“Don't worry, you don't have to. I know you have an early day at the Ministry tomorrow.”

Harry kissed her and grinned. “Love you, Gin. Take care.”

She didn't say she loved him back, choked by guilt, and Apparated.

 

The Muggle pub was bright, and loud, and colorful. Everything Ginny wished she was.

She took a beer and a seat under a rainbow flag and looked around from under her hair. A lot of women were there. Flirting with each other. Having a good time.

A girl looked at her a little too long and Ginny cast a subtle charm to make herself uninteresting. She watched with some relief the girl lightly shake her head and turn her attention elsewhere.

She wasn't here for that.

She was here for.... Well, she didn't know what for.

She let the music and the conversations wash over her, giving herself time to figure it out.

She was here. She was here to know if she had a place here.

And she didn't. She felt awkward, and out of place.

Her beer grew warm in her hands and she didn't even take a sip.

She didn't have a place. Yet. But she wanted one. Maybe not here, not tonight, but she needed to be honest with herself to have a place.

 

It wasn't that she was with a man that was the problem. Bisexual women like her belonged here if they wished.

 

She didn't love Harry like a partner, and had been content with lying to everyone and to herself. She had been happy enough.

 

She left her untouched glass where it was and slipped away unnoticed and trembling.

She wanted it all. She wanted everything. She wanted a partner – be it a woman, or a man, or a nonbinary person – that she loved with all her heart, like she had loved once before.

She wanted to think love and not think Hermione in the same breath.

 

She wanted to be out and proud and loud and colorful and warm and _honest_.

 

She could. She could.

The Hat had put her in Gryffindor for a reason.

 

* * *

 

 

“Harry. I want to talk to you.”

She steeled herself. She was glad he hadn't proposed yet.

Small mercies.

“I'm not happy.”

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a mess, these past few months. Ginny stood in front of that Muggle pub again.

Nobody had really been happy with her, but the world hadn't ended after all.

She didn't know yet if Harry would like to be her friend again, and she missed him, but that was alright. He didn't hate her. He was just sad. Ginny was hopeful that one day he would find someone who would look at him like he was the world.

She had been a mess, these past few months, too. It hadn't been easy. But at least she didn't lie to herself anymore.

She could love girls. She could love boys. She could love people of any gender, or lack thereof.

She couldn't love Harry as more than a friend, and she shouldn't have tried.

But it was all right.

She pushed the door and entered. She had a place there, now that she was honest with herself, if she wanted it.

And at least for the time of a drink, of a dance, of a smile, she did.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I did my best to not make English mistakes but some might have slipped, serves me right for getting so used to reading fanfiction in English that I can't write fanfiction in my native language. Sorry if you were perturbed by mistakes that I made! I try not to.  
> This was short but writing it was good, I needed to get that idea out of my head, now maybe I can try writing happier things!  
> Kudos are encouraged if you liked it, comments are appreciated, I accept constructive criticism about grammar/writing.


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